dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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