The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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