we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
