I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
