Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
so let's talk penis.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
