we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
His hands were made for my vagina.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
40s are totally the cure
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
