Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
