Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
