Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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