conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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