I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
