You smell like stripper and shame
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
