I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
