does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
