weddingsv make me drug and hornr
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
