you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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