Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
