I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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