I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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