All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
