yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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