11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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