Soap is not a condiment
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
