I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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