So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
