I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
