I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
