hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
