u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
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She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I am available for nakedness
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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