just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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