is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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