Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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