Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm jealous of your bromance
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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