My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
only you would photoshop your dick
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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