Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
