Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
