I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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