How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
