living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
