maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
