i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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