I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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