she looked like the before picture.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
