Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
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