you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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