The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. đ
I swear to God if you start calling your dick âmy pegasusâ weâre not friends anymore
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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