upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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