were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
