i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
