If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
