Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
