I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
