1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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