Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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