Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
