So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
