why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
