from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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