and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
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After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
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At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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