Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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