Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
