is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
