Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
