no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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