nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
