I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
