I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
