she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize
