Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
