I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
