JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
