I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
