So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
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did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
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How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
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