For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
