I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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