your room smells of hookers.
And success
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
