I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
